Everyday is Halloween

Surrounded by coworkers disguised as skeletons, cowboys, and who-knows-what, I sit in my t-shirt and jeans. I’m wearing a Baltimore Oriole’s hat as well.

A skeleton says to me, “And what are you supposed to be? You can’t just wear a hat and call it a costume.”

“I’m an O’s fan.” I say.

“Is that supposed to be scary?” the skeleton asks.

I reply, “Have you ever seen one before?”

Recap

Since I was seventeen years old, I've had difficulty keeping weight. Fortunately, I've discovered a recipe for success: eat crappy food, lift weights, don't run, and watch lots of TV. It's working. I recently broke 175 lbs for the first time in my life.

As the pounds increase, so has the weight on my shoulders. The NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, and college football have increased my work load. An unknown soldier stole my identity and nearly $900, presumably a waiter at a local Mexican restaurant. I have since been redeemed. I've recently hosted two childhood friends, presented a controversial church talk, and camped out with a bunch of Mormon zealots. Each of these is deserving of its own story, but this recap will have to suffice.

More importantly, Torin Van Young has made me an uncle four times over. Stranger still, my brother is a father. With his birth came reflection. I was born on my father's birthday, and my father born on his, all of us the fourth children of our families. As unrealistic as it may be, it would be nice to carry on this legacy. Slow down -- of the five siblings, I remain the sole, single survivor ;)

I Tip Around 20%

First dates are like tips at a restaurant. Very few want to leave a tip, but one feels a sense of obligation throughout the entire meal. The customer orders, eats, views the bill, and calculates a just amount based on the server's performance, the quality of food, and overall atmosphere. Unfortunate for the server, the tip may be affected by matters out of his or her control.

Take, for example, a Boomer: These people rarely tip over 15%. A college student: Tips are based on gender and attractiveness. A man on a date: Tips in an attempt to impress.

The point: First dates are like tips at a restaurant. The girl, in my case, is already at a great disadvantage. I have preconceived ideas and expectations. I like certain foods more than others. For the most part, she can't control her physical appearance. Hm, I guess that's really it. I can't think of anything else out of her control. She can't control her physical appearance, and that's it. Every other matter is in her hands.

Aha moment: Tips are like a kiddy pool, very shallow. This explains why most first dates are also last dates. This has been my experience. Sad, I know.

Disclaimer: This little deductive reasoning exercise is in no way a commentary on any recent dates. Rather, it is more of a self-discovery.